By Sister Jayanti
Sister Jayanti is the Director of the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University in the United Kingdom.
Sister Jayanti explains how to handle negativity within ourselves and when it comes from others.
In
this world there are so many questions about our future, the
environment and population, the financial and political situation,
distribution of resources. You only have to pick up a newspaper to
realise the world is in a horrendous state. It is easy to become
negative. If I want to become negative I can find 1001 reasons to be
so. If I allow all these factors to influence me then yes, it is as if
1000 guns were pointed at my head, so I feel extremely negative.
Another factor is the people I am surrounded by; it is very easy to
become influenced by their negativity. I may be influenced by people
that I work with and sometimes it is their negativity attacking me,
then it becomes difficult to maintain my balance, lightness and
happiness because of their negative reactions and responses to
everything, or it could be my negative response towards them. I might
not like the way they talk to me or look at me, so there is a gradual
build-up of feelings of being pressured from all directions. So how do
I escape?
Even if I were to escape there will be another deep
realization—that the problem is not actually the world outside or the
people I am with. If I spend a few moments in honest reflection I
realize that whatever is going on inside of me is the root of my
negativity. This probably won’t bring joy or lightness and may even
cause feelings of depression or heaviness because it means I have
realized that the negativity is coming from inside. How do I cope with
it? First of all, I can try to understand it, and by understanding and
realizing it I have gone a long way towards being able to put it right.
I
understand that the period of history that civilization is passing
through now is a particularly dark one. But it cannot last forever.
The condition of the world is horrific but it will change. After the
darkness the light will come; night has to turn into day. This will
happen in the passage of time; I cannot force the day to come, I cannot
force the pace of it so I learn to be a detached observer. I can be
part of the movements that will bring the day and not allow things to
affect my own inner state of consciousness. This requires a bit of
experimentation. I can draw on analogy here: an actor plays a role on
stage and is totally involved in all that is going on. Someone in the
audience is aware of everything on the stage also but has a different
state of consciousness. I have to learn to be both in this game of
life. I have to be an actor and an observer. I have to be able to step
aside and look at things from a distance. This will bring faith and
confidence in the fact that the darkness of night will pass and the
light of day will come.
What about the negativity of other
people? I know that if I am affected by the negativity of other people
then I am going to be plunged into the cycle of actions, reactions and
responses over which I have no control. But if I see them, hear them,
respect them as human beings and individuals and I understand their
point of view, I will not let myself be moved from my position of inner
stability. If I can make sure that I remain my own master, their
negativity will flow over me and above me and not influence me. I can
ask myself what it is that I want and then move in the direction to
reach that goal. I can develop the art of detachment, being friends
and yet not allowing them to touch me. I can draw on another analogy
here: think of the image of a lotus flower. It is found in dirty,
stagnant water yet the lotus has a waxy substance on its petals and
nothing can touch the surface, the dirt just rolls off. I can create
that layer of protection so my inner purity and stability remain
unaffected by outside influences. Only in this way can I be true to
myself. Otherwise I become a puppet of circumstances and situations
that others have created and I am no longer a master of my own feelings
and destiny. I learn to have this protection through the experience of
detachment and the awareness of God and this will bring a canopy of
blessings influencing myself and others around me.
Is there
a human being creating a shadow over you? Sometimes I find myself in a
situation whereby I am reacting against someone and then it becomes
more and more difficult and irritating to manage that individual. I am
creating a huge burden for myself which will make it more difficult to
live with myself, as well as the individual. If I want to create an
environment of peace and love around me, my response of negativity
towards anyone becomes extremely uncomfortable for me.
I must
try not to allow this build-up of negativity to happen. If it’s
happened already, let me analyse the whole process and I will see that
it is a subtle form of ego because I think that the way I thank, the
things I do and my understanding is all correct and the other person is
wrong. So I am constantly criticizing—this will mean a build-up of
this negativity. Appreciate that it has come from my own ego and learn
humility and respect, recognise the value of the individual and
acknowledge the goodness in them.
Everyone has enormous value, I
just have to have the right vision to be able to see it. When I start
appreciating their value, I will realise the negativity is my own.
Yes, they do things in a different way from me but there has to be
variety so let me appreciate that. I cannot change them or control
them; what I can do is change my attitude and my responses. If I
continue to have the vision of love and respect for them I know that
through this there is a very good possibility that I can influence them
and help them in their change process. If I react against them I will
not be able to influence them in the future because my reactions will
have set up a barrier between us, thereby making communication very
difficult. If I change my attitude in a genuine way—not from diplomacy
or artificial courtesy but by seeing their eternal, original divine
state—then with genuine respect a good level of communication will
arise, and perhaps, at the right time, we can talk about things and a
change can take place. But I must not allow this build-up of
negativity to destroy communication with them; otherwise walls will
have been built up which will be difficult to sort out later on.
Perhaps
the most difficult thing for me to come to terms with is the negativity
I feel about myself. I see my weaknesses, I see the difficulties I
have created, I see the emotional debts I have accumulated and I wonder
how it is ever going to be possible to deal with all of this. If I
lose hope things will get difficult. Therefore, I do not allow the
cycle of negativity to come into being, I do not lose love for myself
or negative thoughts will pull me further and further down. As soon as
I see that there is the possibility of this negative cycle beginning, I
make sure I cut it at that point because cycles are powerful; one weak
though and another and another and I am trapped. If I cannot stop it
before it begins, it ties me into a knot. Firstly I must see the cause
and what needs to be done, and look at the future so I can prevent
things from happening; then I take precautions so that it will not
happen again. When I recognise myself as an eternal soul, I alter my
vision of myself completely. I come back to the realisation of my own
original form and feel the divine being that I truly am, and hope
returns.
Coming into the awareness of this experience of my own
immortality, of ‘I’ the soul, I am able to change my vision
completely. I know that in this awareness of being a child of God, I
have within myself the capacity for purity, peace and love. If I allow
these qualities to emerge and spend a few minutes in silence each day,
just letting my mind become detached from all the other things that
it’s usually caught up in, then I can value who I truly am. As this
stage grows, the influence of this lasts longer each day. As I develop
this awareness of self respect and self esteem and I move outside the
cycle of negativity that has pulled me down, I make sure my vision,
words and actions show this esteem. It is expressed in value and
respect for others and from them I get the same response back.
Whilst
I lacked esteem I sought support and confirmation from the outside
world and usually if I am seeking something it is denied. Only in this
state, where I am generating my own self respect within, can I earn
respect from others. This is the way I can change my own negative
image about myself. When I learn to remove negativity I am drawn by
the beauty that positivity can bring and, because I develop a liking
for this, I learn to accept positivity and reject negativity. I
therefore have a greater impact on the atmosphere around me and the
people I am with.
Even one individual who comes into this
awareness of making things positive, of learning to deal with things in
a positive way, makes a great difference. The heaviness of the world
has come about because of the accumulation of all our negative thoughts
and actions and the only way we can transform and replace it is through
the power of positivity. This enables us to bring about change,
firstly in our environment, workplace, family and home which will
inevitably reach out and change society. In the state of hopelessness
and lack of courage, the forces of darkness grow heavier and stronger.
If
I become aware that I am a child of God, a being of light, an
instrument of light and I let the light of awareness, wisdom and truth
change me, then I can be an instrument to bring light into the world
around me. In the state of negativity there is a great deal of fear
and ignorance. If I can understand this then the fear is reduced and
gradually eliminated and there is greater understanding of the reasons
for a negative state of the world and of my karmic connections with
other individuals. By understanding all these things light has entered
the picture, darkness is removed and I know what to do and how to do
it. I have to bring light into the world and in this way darkness will
not be able to influence me and I will be able to help remove the
darkness of others.